My Mad Mom Skillz

Bonanza Jellybean has inspired me with her "Sorry Excuse For a Mom" post the other day. Go read it! There are some things that I have also done (and DO) that I'm sure some people would consider to be Shitty Parenting. Here's my list of shitty parenting skillz....

1. I don't care if my kids use profanity when they're mad.
   
2. I make them answer the phone when bill collectors call so they can say they havn't seen me in days. And they're out of food.
   
3. When my oldest son was learning to talk I would show him a ball and call it a Taco. Show him a cookie and call it a shirt.
   
4. I convinced my youngest son that he was born with a tail. he's actually pissed off that we had it removed!
   
5. When the kids whine that they're hungry. I say "you know where the kitchen is!"
   
6. When they mumble I keep yelling "ENUNCIATE" while try to complete a sentence.
   
7. When we're out of Nyquil I give them shots of whiskey instead.
   
8. They know the words to all the Danzig songs.
   
9. When my youngest son says he's going to run away from home, I reply "write when you get work."
   
10. I let my son get his tongue pierced for his 16th birthday.
    
11. The 12 year old's hair is longer than mine.
    
12. And then, there was this one time? I got the kids to get a mushed armadillo off of the road and put it in a bucket for me so I could ferment it for about a month, then put it in a certain person's brand new car.
    
13. I encourage them to refer to their asshole uncle as "Your Assholiness"
    
14. I discourage them from becoming bored by finding busy work for them...like digging a hole in the backyard...then filling it up again (ever see Cool Hand Luke?!)
    
15. I make my boys do "girly work" like washing dishes, and mopping the floor.
    
    

I'm sure there's more, but you get the idea.